When I was young, I didn’t know what to do with my Irish curls. I could achieve “The Rachel” if I woke up an hour early and used a huge curling iron. But the slightest hint of humidity would unravel the whole thing.
A work friend was laughing with me at the poof that had developed between clock-in and lunch. Then she flicked her satin-straight hair and asked, “Don’t you ever brush it?”
If you have this hair, you may know that brushing only makes it worse. I didn’t know that at the time, and had been brushing diligently. We just had very different hair.
Now I feel the same way when people see me struggle with mobility and suggest, “Oh! Just do a few stretches every morning. Works for me!”
They are trying to be helpful, but they don’t understand the issue. Imagine a tall person saying, “Can’t reach the top shelf? Finger stretches!“
Sometimes, without realizing it, we act like the best solution to someone else’s problem is simply not having that problem in the first place.
I try to remember that in my own work, since I basically solve problems for a living. In tech, something that seems trivial to me can be a major barrier for someone else. Effective solutions require more than just knowing how to fix things, and “works for me!” doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone else.
The trick, I think, is finding enough context to understand the real problem, and enough empathy to remember that the person asking for help is the expert on their own experience.
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