When I was young, I didn’t know what to do with my Irish curls. I could achieve “The Rachel” if I woke up an hour early and used a huge curling iron. But the slightest hint of humidity would unravel the whole thing.
A work friend was laughing with me at the poof that had developed between clock-in and lunch. Then she flicked her satin-straight hair and asked, “Don’t you ever brush it?”
If you have this hair, you may know that brushing only makes it worse. I didn’t know that at the time, and had been brushing diligently. So I didn’t know what to say. But I didn’t feel like laughing anymore.
I think about that now when people see me struggle with mobility and say things like, “Oh! I just do a few stretches every morning. You should try it!”
Imagine a tall person saying, “Can’t reach the top shelf? Do tricep dips daily!”
Sometimes, without realizing it, we act like the best solution to someone else’s problem is simply not having that problem in the first place.
I try to remember that in my own work, since I basically solve problems for a living. In tech, something that seems trivial to me can be a major barrier for someone else. Effective solutions require more than just knowing how to fix things, and “works for me!” doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone else.
The trick, I think, is finding enough context to understand the real problem, and enough empathy to remember that the person asking for help is the expert on their own experience.
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