The rest of the list:

I want a guy who is smart and can carry on an interesting conversation. I also prefer shyer guys who are easily thrilled by technology. I know, so shallow. It matters to me, though.

Attraction matters too, but not in the way that you might think. Sure, there are cute guys out there, but I am almost never attracted to someone until I know them really well, and then I start to notice features that are physically appealing. I don’t trust appearances or my psyche’s way of responding to them. As my friend Uri put it, “Romance doesn’t just happen, that’s infatuation. Real romance takes time.” I have learned to distrust infatuation, almost to the point that it makes me nervous. Almost to the point that I purposely avoid starting the “jungle engine” as another friend put it. I’m thankful for the friends I have gained this way, but I think it does disqualify me as a love interest in most cases. Here’s hoping someone out there will give me a very long, drawn-out chance someday ๐Ÿ™‚ Or that I’ll find another way to deal.

As for the rest of this? I referenced the “after the manner of happiness” talk/scripture earlier. I think the list he’s got there is spot on. I want someone who will:

– Realize the importance of family
– Keep the commandments
– Live providently (even if it doesn’t involve raising animals)
– Love the scriptures
– Be prepared
– Enjoy work
– Take me to the temple often
– Serve!

Yeah, there are other things that would be cool to have in a relationship, but as far as I’m concerned, if I’ve got a guy who loves God, loves others, is smart, and meets this list, I will be happy. Now if I can find someone like that who is looking for someone like me… ๐Ÿ™‚

Must have love toward his fellowmen

Alright, I’ve been meaning to write my second dating requirement. It’s simply this: He must love others, and show it by word and deed. I’d told one of my friends last night that I hope to find someone who doesn’t just SAY he loves others, but who actually shows it through service and attitude.Service is half of the equation, and it’s pretty easy to tell if you spend much time with a person whether they are service oriented or not. Knowing their heart regarding other people is another thing, though, and that takes time.

Luckily Dan from Single Dad Laughing seems to have written most of this article for me! ๐Ÿ™‚ Normally I don’t agree with him on everything, and in fact find his style somewhat emotionally manipulative from time to time, but this article is spot on: I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.

I consider myself Christian and I know a lot of my friends do, too. Regardless of whether another person is sinning or not, Christ was pretty clear that the greatest commandments are to love God and our neighbors. That we should love one another even as He loves us. We’re even supposed to love our enemies. This isn’t a matter of lip service and saying, “Well, because I love this person, I’m going to ostracize them, joke about their actions, or treat them as though they are somehow not worth as much as me. And, through these loving actions, show them that I love them for who they have the potential to become, but not as they are.” That isn’t how it works.

Some people will argue that we’re commanded to judge righteously. I’ve thought about that a lot, and it comes down to the relationship we have with our Father. Let’s say I give my kids a commandment of sorts. “Clean the living room before I finish making dinner,” or “Do not peel the paint off the bathroom wall.” I am a mortal momma, imperfectly human, and chances are I’m not always going to catch my kids disobeying. So let’s say one of them catches the other. It’s one thing to say, “Hey, mom said don’t peel the paint off the wall.” It’s quite another to hit them, belittle them, or hate them. Would I want my kids hating each other over something I asked them to do? Even if I didn’t actually see the offense take place?

If the Lord sees every last sin we commit, wouldn’t you suppose he’s more concerned with us policing ourselves than, say, trying to pull that mote out of our brother’s eye? Wasn’t Christ pretty clear about that whole, “Love one another” thing? Some would argue that one sin is bigger sin than, say, letting our judgement of others get in the way of our loving them. I’ve never seen any doctrinal support in the scriptures or through prophets that says anything of the sort.

Is it OK to hate people who smoke, or people who are poor, or crazy, or homeless, or fat, or ugly, or beautiful, or smart, or stupid, or anything else for that matter? Is it even okay to hate that guy who cut you off in traffic? Does Christ ask us to love unless we’ve somehow been provoked or offended?

C.S. Lewis alluded in Mere Christianity to the figurative rats in the basement of our souls. You can’t say they’re only there when you suddenly turn the light on, and that otherwise they don’t exist, because they’re able to stay hidden. Concealing your feelings isn’t going to cut it here. To fail to love others is a failure to keep the second greatest commandment. So I hope we can examine our hearts, our thoughts, our words, and especially our deeds. If you as a Christian find yourself lacking in the kind of love Christ has demonstrated for you, might I recommend asking the Lord to help you do better?

I’m not looking for someone perfect, because I am not perfect, either. But I am looking for someone who loves God and his neighbor enough to try, and enough to humbly seek the Lord’s help in becoming better.

Must Love God

Alright, so every once in a while, I get it in my head that I need to get out and try to find Mr. Right. This is no simple game of “Where’s Waldo” either. I have but a few factors that really, REALLY matter to me; even so, rare is the man that actually fits them. Considering such rare men would also likely be married already were they not looking for an extraordinarily unique woman, and yeah, our chances are rather slim.

But I figured I might as well start posting what I really care about and why it matters. If nothing else, it’ll serve to remind me what I’m really after when Cupid fires his shots. And no I don’t think Cupid is real, or if he were, I’d think he could well be working for the bad guys. :-p But that’s a post for another day. For now, my number one requirement, as the title maybe have suggested to you, is that he must love God.

What does that mean? Well, let’s look at the word love, first. Love is a funny word. What does it mean to you? And no, I’m not just asking rhetorically… if you’ve got feedback, let’s hear it! Does Love mean something different when you’re talking about loving God, loving your family, loving your best friends, loving your neighbor, loving Star Trek, and loving your soul mate? If it really means so many different things, why do we tend to use the same word? C.S. Lewis very thoroughly mulls over the whole idea in “The Four Loves.“* In his first chapter, describing need, he said:

The scullery tap and the tumbler are very attractive indeed when we come in parched from mowing the grass; six seconds later they are emptied of all interest. The smell of frying food is very different before and after breakfast.

He goes on to suggest that, while our need for God never dies, our awareness of that need dies off quickly, and so can our love. So I want a guy who, for starters, recognizes and appreciates his need for God, and appreciates all that the Lord has done for him.

Man, that’s a great book, by the way; though C.S. Lewis is even more long-winded than I, I’ve read nothing of his that wasn’t well worth the time it took to digest it. I’ll resist the urge to keep quoting him for the rest of this post. How about I quote someone even better?

If ye love me, keep my commandments. (Jesus Christ, as quoted in the bible by St. John, in chapter 14 verse 15)

One question I get on this, a lot, is, “That’s cool, but what if I don’t believe in your version of God?” and indeed, how is one supposed to obey God’s commandments if the definition of God is so ambiguous in the first place? My answer to that, is that if our perception and ideas define what God is and what’s expected of us, then we’re basically just worshiping an idol we’ve created ourselves. If the Bible is true — and I have come to believe that it is — then I understand this is something that the Lord longs to help us fix.

I believe that whatever your flavor of faith, God is going to answer the prayers of those who sincerely seek Him with all kinds of blessings. But I also believe that you’ll be blessed all the more for letting go of your preconceptions and REALLY striving to seek out who God really is and what is expected of you. That does not mean rejecting organized religion, nor does it mean a purely intellectual debate, and it certainly does not mean developing a spirit of contention in your pursuit of what’s real or trying to prove to others that your’e right. It means seeking the truth from the Lord like you would look for water in the desert; developing a deep, personal, lasting relationship through prayer; and choosing a lifestyle that reverences that relationship.

Why then does it matter whether a guy is LDS and temple-worth or not, you might ask, so long as he sincerely believes he’s following God’s will? It goes back to what Christ said: “If you love me, keep my commandments.” How could I want a guy who sincerely loves God and therefore strives to obey God’s commandments, if I won’t hold myself to the same standard?

I do love my Father, and I am trying to keep His commandments as revealed through scripture and modern prophets, as well as through personal instruction by the Spirit. I believe that one of those commandments is to marry, and to form an eternal family by being sealed in the temple. I have seriously weighed and prayed over whether this is what God expects of me personally, and the answer is clearly in the affirmative. If the answer were simply to find someone I love and do whatever I want, it would be easy, because (believe it or not!) there is more than enough love for others in my heart to make such an arrangement work. A part of me has even wanted to make that work, but I know it isn’t right for me unless I get a very clear answer from God otherwise.

I know that’s not an easy thing for some of you to hear, but it is what it is and I have to do what I think is right. I hope you will too. Next post: I want a guy who loves his neighbors. Need I elaborate? Probably not, but I will. Later. ๐Ÿ™‚

*Yes, if you use that link to buy The Four Loves, Amazon will give me a few cents, which I could certainly use right now, but if you want to borrow the book, it is available in my own little biblioteca.

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