Serenity

These past few weeks have been more than a little nuts with the stress of quitting my job, putting my old house up for sale, and a number of other random things. That’s probably why I got sick on Wednesday and had to spend most of Thursday resting, too. So when I woke up on Friday with some energy, I knew it was time to work on my situation.

I was in a bit of a panic, making lists in my journal of all the things I needed to do, and the ways I need to change, and feeling overwhelmed with trying to figure out what ought to happen first. Somewhere in all that jumble of ideas, I realized God must know what my priorities ought to be, and decided to ask for an opinion. The answer I got kind of surprised me: “Get up, change your shirt, get your camera, and go for a walk. And don’t forget that SD card.” (Yes in words; no, not in my ears. That’s how things work sometimes for me. You can read about that in another post if you’d like.)

I glanced at “that” SD card: the one sitting on my desk had popped into my head with those words. It was only 4GB. My 16GB card was in my camera already. Surely that’s the one He meant, right?

But I did get out and take that walk, and it was exactly what I needed. The exercise, sunlight, and fresh air were obviously helpful, but more than that I needed to clear my mind. Plus, with having just quit my job, I’d been feeling fairly sheepish about my new camera, and even worse that I hadn’t spent as much time learning to use it. So I spent the better part of an hour playing with my settings, trying this and that, and just relaxing and enjoying myself.

That was awesome, til I saw “Card Full!” on my screen. D’oh! The sun was just about to set anyway, though. So I put my camera away and was tweeting about it and posting a pic with my phone. Then a gorgeous stag stepped out of the bushes front of me. My droid’s been buggy again, so I couldn’t even get a picture with it before the deer was gone. Alas, and oh well; a gentle reminder came next: “I wouldn’t have mentioned that SD card if I didn’t love you… but you know that. Next time.” Lesson learned: I need to be a better listener, but I am loved. And the deer was beautiful enough for me even if I regret being unable to share it.

It occurs to me that it’s probably pretty weird for me to share something like that on my blog, particularly when I ought to be searching for work. Typically my facebook and twitter accounts get much more attention than this little neglected corner of my digital world, so I’ve used it to share the more personal things I hope would help someone in the unlikely event they actually happen to read it. My kids read this blog more than anyone, really – so hi kids! I miss you today! If you’re a prospective employer, hi! This is the me very few people get to know. I tend to be fairly quiet about matters of faith. I’m far from perfect just like everyone else, but things tend to go much better when I tune in. So this is who I am & want to be.

Anyway, whoever you are, I feel like I had to say this today, so hopefully it will help you: As confusing as life can be sometimes, I know God is real, that He love us, and He is watching out for us. He doesn’t shield His children from every difficulty, but He is there to help us through, and we grow from it. I don’t know whether I would have this kind of relationship with Him had I been prevented from dealing with some of the trials I’ve had over the years. I do feel awfully lucky for it, though. And even though you might not always feel sure about it, He loves you, too.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

The Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr