I forgot to blog

So here’s an update on life and stuff.

Also, I didn’t really forget to write. It’s just that every time I try to blog, I feel more pressure than I did when writing research papers in college. Hello World, I’m not perfect and we all know it, so it should be easy, right? It’s not that I don’t have things to say (I have 133 drafts right now) I just fuss too much about how to say them.

Maybe I’ll just get into posting photos instead. But for now, just letting you know where I’m at, re: goals and life and stuff:

— I’ve been going to the gym more consistently I ever have in my life, which is to say about twice a week, even if I’m not feeling it. Don’t judge. My body doesn’t look like it’s changing, but I am way stronger. And I’m still eating plant based most of the time.

— I’m making very slow progress on fixing up my house and yard. Just been dealing with a lot of sinus / allergy issues so far this year, and they suck up a lot of energy (not to mention my will to fly anywhere, so no fun travel so far this year). I did finally get my mirror cabinet installed, though. Next big task is to tile the tub / shower area so I can enjoy a nice soak now and then. I’m hoping to hire a carpenter to finish up the trim and install shelving and a door. And, I’m trying to get the yard set up so this summer’s gardening will be manageable.

— Spiritually and emotionally: PTSD is not bothering me currently, but loneliness and fear of more loneliness is. I had to end the relationship I was in. We’re still friends, but I realized that’s all he really wanted from me. The struggle is that I really do want to be a partner, partially due to my religion being centered on marriage and family. But having a few reliable friends may be the closest thing I can get “in this life” as they say at church. The idea that some people are destined to wait til then to love and be loved is really bothersome to me. Still, I am going to the temple again, even though my faith is hard for me right now. Just going back to my bedrock beliefs, and when I do I find myself here.

So I think a lot about blogging on faith, family, life, and love. Just like I used to. And since the world seems to need more friends these days, maybe I’ll blog more often about friendship, too.

If I can work up the gumption to write.

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