Esmervelda and Jen the Psychic Sidekick – Predictions for 2006

The oddest thing happened last night. I realized I work online too much. I was at walmart trying to help Mary pick out a present for Ethan, and I spied my institute teachers from eight years ago. I immediately recognized them – but unfortunately not for who they were.

Instead, for a split second I thought they were a couple I’ve been doing some web-work for from Buffallo, New York. They didn’t recognize me at all, as far as I can tell, but did wonder why I was looking at them like I had something to say. Something like, “Hey! How are your Christmas sales going, and what are you doing at Walmart when you have so much nifty stuff on your own site?” And that’s when I realized I’ve been subconsciously assigning faces to the clients I deal with every day but never see. I’m not trying to assume anything about how anyone looks or what they do or the sort of car they drive or the house they live in, but my mind does it for me. Come to think of it, this happens with alot of the customers and clients I deal with frequently. Why does my minds eye have to fill in the blanks?

So I consulted Jen to find out whether she does the same. Jen’s my coworker at Hands-On Web Hosting and my good buddy from highschool. We used to spend entire afternoons driving around in a hearse-like El Camino, wearing pink and green polyester dresses and conducting political surveys over Frosties and Sno-Shak treats. Yes, our teen years were unique.

Jen agreed that she also imagines faces for our customers. Maybe we’re Psychic! She says I should change my name to Esmervelda. I quote her, quoting the Esmervelda she imagined conjured, “The kryst hal monitOr sais to ME…. ” I’ve been told by a psychic friend that I may have psychic tendencies. Sometimes I do have a knack for predicting things immediately before they happen (if only that talent would appear when I really need it!). But more than anything, I think I like the name Esmervelda. And Jen has already come up with half a list of our .. erm.. predictions for 2006.

January: We see more people wanting to move to Arizona….

February: Purchase stock in the Chinese lace markets

March: In like a lion, then sleeps like a lamb in the mighty jungle.

April: A fool and his money part ways. Jen is taking over because my kids are asking for food, again. ” I see visitations by a large… white… bunny? Yes, a bunny… This bunny will leave anonymous gifts….Beware of odd jelly beans!”

May:“A butchery of blooms… deliveries of blood red will be visited upon the mothers… the only way to avoid this carnage is to appease your females with large quantities of CHOCOLATE… ”

June: Busts out all over. And not in a good way.

July: Men’s facial hair fashion takes a turn for the worse

August: Follow your urge to send luxurious gifts to Jen and Velda for their birthdays. Paypal and online gift certificates are perfect. We’ll use our powers to discern what you really wanted to buy us.

September: If you polish an apple so much that you can see your reflection in it, you’ll find your nose looks rather distorted.

October: Many ponder the question, “Which is scarier, the man or the mask he wears?”

November: Esmervelda gains 2 pounds and resolves to lose weight. Again.

December: See August. Substitute “birthdays” for “Christmas” and repeat.

My name isn’t really Esmervelda. It’s just plain Velda (not that Velda is plain!). And Jen and I are not certifiably psychic. Follow our predictions at your own risk. 😮

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