Counting

OK. I’m gonna be honest. I feel absolutely lousy today. So I tell myself, well, being grumpy won’t make you feel better — cheer up, right? And then I try extra hard to be cheerful. But it’s hard to be cheerful when it freaking hurts to breathe. And that makes me sad, and then I think about other stuff that makes me sad. And then the grump pops out in spite of my best efforts to keep it at bay, and everyone wonders what’s up with the mood swing, when I’d seemed so happy and then… well, I hope that explains it.

Back to the regularly scheduled cheerfulness.

Well. OK. Maybe cheerfulness isn’t the best way to go about things, because I am not cheerful right now. I feel like crying, and trying to pretend otherwise won’t change that. But in spite of feeling fairly crappy, I really am thankful. They say counting your blessings will make you feel better. So I’m publishing this now and will be thinking on the things I’d like to list after the kids are asleep.

OK. The list.

I’m thankful for my kids. Ultimately, that means I am thankful I got married. I’m also thankful I’m not in that marriage anymore. And, as lonely as I am for companionship, it’s been two years since I spent Valentine’s day with a bruised-up arm. Non-bruised arms are nice. 🙂

I’m thankful for my friends & family. Sometimes I’m afraid of my friends seeing posts like this, or even of them knowing I’m still struggling sometimes. I don’t know why I’d feel that way, though, because my friends have come through for me time and time again. Especially my really good friends & great family. I’m thankful for you.

I’m thankful for my material stuff. No I’m not a material girl, but I do live in a material world. I really am super blessed to have all I really need and more: a great apartment, plenty to eat, a car that works just fine, a bus pass, the world’s best blender, my computers, my droid, books-a-plenty (and the means to buy more), TWO really great frying pans from Ikea, and a fulfilling job that makes all of that possible.

I’m thankful for who I am, mind, body, and spirit. Even when my body is being wonky, even when my mind is being loopy from the meds that are supposed to help me feel less wonky. Even though my nose is busted and my teeth are off-center and I have zits. Even though I have to go to great lengths to fight my amazingly thrifty metabolism. For the most part, I’m strong, I’m healthy. I’m happy. Really. And not just trying to hide the grump anymore.

And I’m super thankful for my faith and my relationship with God. It’s nice to know that someone with a whole lot more perspective than I’ve got is watching out for me and helping me along the paths that will bring me the most happiness. ❤

Off to be thankful for modern medicine and sleep… (Or not. Maybe I'll just browse web comics in an Ultram-induced stupor.)

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