I say that as though I’ve been in the closet about it. I haven’t been. I just haven’t said much about it, either, but I’ve decided that’s going to change.
Does this mean I’m going to shun you if you don’t agree with me? Not at all. Does it mean I’m going to force anything down your throat? No. Do I want to fight about religion? No. But am I going to be more real about my faith? Let’s hope so.
Today’s big decision: I’m going to do what a good friend of mine did, and start blogging my take on chapters in the Book of Mormon. So check out this video by means of introduction, if you’d like, or read on to find out why I’m doing this.
The Book of Mormon is divided up into “books” by different authors, and each book has chapters. I’ll follow chapters sequentially, but since I don’t always read the books sequentially, I’ll just blog them here the way I read it.
So why am I doing this?
I’m always having random realizations from the random happenings in my life. It’s how I roll. And often I don’t really do much about them other than say, “Well that’s nice.” But last night, some random event/realization sequences joined forces in such a way that I really want to take action.
Event 1: On Facebook, a few friends shared the aforementioned video on the Book of Mormon. I thought it was really cool, but I hesitated sharing it myself.
Realization 1: Years ago I would have shared it in a heartbeat. I’ve learned to hide my faith along with whatever other thoughts, feelings, and convictions kept me from conforming to unspoken expectations of the people around me. I’ve never been ashamed, only afraid. I’ve been afraid of all the wrong things.
Event 2: I opened Google Reader for the first time in a long while and stumbled across a friend’s blog post about how some factors of blogging tend to get in the way of our goals and intentions, particularly when it comes to writing as a means to financial freedom.
Realization 2: My blog isn’t my hobby or my financial freedom. It’s my history. Nothing warms my heart like walking in and finding my kids reading through old posts. This blog is a treasure chest of experience, but because of the aforementioned fear, I’ve hesitated to write about what matters most to me.
Event 3: Not going to say too much about this one (see the NDA section of Dating 2.0), but suffice it to say, when I was hanging out with a non-religious friend last night, I encountered more than a few bugs in my personal programming anytime the topic turned to faith, not to mention a few unexpected behaviors. Again, not ashamed, but afraid. In this case, afraid to be unlikeable.
Realization 3: If I want people to like me for who I am, I’m going to have to learn to be myself.
Event 4: Checking google analytics: hardly anyone reads new posts here. My tweets and facebook posts get much more exposure.
Realization 4: I haven’t much to risk, here, so it’s a very safe place to practice being more real. And clearly I’ve already started to be more real emotionally here. Might as well be more real spiritually, too.
So, welcome to a part of me you probably haven’t seen before. And wish me luck and perseverance with this. It’s going to be a big project, but I think it’ll be worthwhile.