About three years ago my kids came tiptoeing into the living room and overheard something like this:
“He signed? Really? Do I just go pick up the documents now? Oh okay. Wow. Yeah, thanks so much for everything. OK. Thanks. Bye.”
I’d just hung up and dropped to my knees when I saw them. Our eyes met and little Miss Mary giggled, “We were eavesdropping!” Both kids ran and threw their arms around my neck, squealing in delight, “Congratulations, Mom! Now you can get married again and have more babies!”
D’oh. I surely wasn’t in that kind of rush. But I had no idea what kind of patience this whole dating as a divorcee thing would require, or where to begin my search for The One.
Our searches often start with a list of attributes. I recall one girlfriend listing off, “At least 6’4″. Six-figure income. No children — I don’t want him tied up in supporting any family but our own.”
I’ll admit, I figured my list was better. I judged her. But since then, I’ve found my reasons for rejecting a person are often fairly shallow, too.
I started to realize my list of Attributes of The One is actually a thinly veiled list of my needs:
- I need safety, protection, and comfort.
- I need to know he sees my faults, but will help me be better.
- I need to know he has the ability and the will to provide.
- I need to feel joy when I’m with him.
- I need to know I can tell him anything, and he’ll understand me.
- I need to know we can overcome anything together.
- I need to know he’ll be patient with me.
- I need to feel absolutely loved.
A tall order. Even if I do find him, how can I be everything he’s looking for? What happens when we realize just how short we fall? People say “never compromise!” so how can this work?
I think I’m finally starting to figure it out: stop looking for another human being to meet these needs. Focus instead on turning to who I’ve already found: The ONLY One who really is all that and infinitely more. And as for finding that one true love? Simply find someone who will help me live as the Lord asks.