I realized today that my blog doesn’t really have an “about me” page and that, perhaps, I ought to make one. It’s long, and not directed to an audience so much as myself. It’s deeply personal, but I hope it will help someone. Maybe my nieces. Maybe my kids, or maybe a friend. Maybe a total stranger who is, like me, a child of God. Given that context, I won’t feel bad if you stop reading now. Otherwise, here we go:
Okay. I guess my tounge-in-cheekiness was hidden a little too well when I first posted this, so let me try again: Shall we start with what I think matters most, or by how I’m judged by the world?
So very many people make character judgements based on looks, let’s start with that.
I’m female. My skin is light olive, but I tan easily to a medium olive brown. My hair is thick, coarse, and loosely curly (and currently quite short), and, like my eyes, roughly the color of an old penny. I am 33 years old, and I average a middle-class wage. But if you think that’s all there is to me, you’re mistaken.
My measurements are 40″,31″, and 42″, and I stand just under 5’7″ — closer to 5’8″ in my sneakers, and significantly taller in heels or boots. I weigh roughly 150 pounds. My posture is a bit on the slumpy/rounded shoulder side. My arms, legs, fingers, and toes are long, my waist is high, and my torso is short
My eyes are big and wide-set. My mouth is small, and while my lips aren’t terribly thin, they’re certainly not full either. You wouldn’t notice right off that I broke my face when I was a kid, but you might notice that one eyebrow is slightly higher than the other and that my nose is slightly off-center, with a bump on the profile and a longer-than-typical tip. One of my incisor teeth is missing from the fall, but because my mouth is small enough, there really aren’t any gaps so much as a little off-centeredness. If I smile wide enough, you can see that some of my cavity-correction was done in silver tones. I have one pale mole on my left cheek, and generally mild adult acne. My forehead has two worry lines. My earlobes are also asymmetrical. My eyelashes are long and dark. I have not-puffy-or-wrinkly-but-slightly-dark circles under my eyes. My brows are tapered and mildly arched. My cheekbones are far less defined than my nasolabial folds. People sometimes comment on my naturally white-tipped fingernails, even though I usually ignore them.
I frequently wear a backpack or camera bag, jeans or yoga pants, a video-game or tech-themed t-shirt, and a hoodie, or sometimes a denim jacket. I wear mary janes, tall boots, sandals, or sneakers. My curls may or may not be in control on any given day, and I don’t typically wear makeup, though I do shower and wear deodorant. My lotion smells like warm vanilla, and my shampoo and conditioner smell like spicy flowers and fruit. I don’t brush my hair or blow-dry it, because if I do, it goes very, VERY frizzy. Sometimes I wear a hat. My face is very expressive, and I smile often. Sometimes I wear a dress. Sometimes I use a curling iron to tame my hair. Sometimes I wear eyeliner and mascara, because a friend told me I should. Sometimes I wear powder. Sometimes I’ll wear blush. Every once in a while, I go the whole nine yards with full-blown makeup, but I almost never wear lipstick.
Oh yeah, and as the title of this site suggests, I am single, I’m mormon, and I’m a mom. I’m kind of a geek, too.
If I’m to believe what society teaches, that’s pretty much all there is to me!
There really is more than that, of course. And I’m sorry to have gone on so long in an attempt to prove my point, which is this: we are SO much more than how we look and what we have.
I just wish others, particularly in the social sphere, would see that. I am thankful for one thing, though:
… the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
~ 1 Samuel, 16:7
So, perhaps you’d like to know a bit more about me? I could talk about what I like and dislike, and what my favorite foods and books might be. Or, perhaps it’s time for me to really define who I am? This time I’ll go in the order of what I’d imagine the Lord finds important:
While I get frustrated and feisty with society in general, I genuinely love others. My efforts frequently fall short or come off a bit odd, but I love to serve. I am not a perfect mother, but mothering is by far my favorite role. I love my kids dearly, and they know it. I am open and honest with them, and I place more effort on sharing my knowledge and experience with them than on enforcing routines. I’m much more Mary than Martha. I’m trying to be more organized and efficient, too, since I know that is also important. I believe the Lord only called Martha out because she was judging Mary. I know the Lord loves them both, and I know He loves me. I love Him, and I know He loves you, too. I trust His judgement, so I love you, too 🙂
I struggle with my self-image more than I should, and more than you would believe to look at me or hear me talk. I worry about what people think of me, and my socialization has led me to think the factor I can control most is my weight. I haven’t always treated my body well. Others haven’t always treated my body well, either. I realize this is wrong, but putting the right into practice is harder than it might sound. It’s a struggle to work through, but thankfully I am not on my own.
While I have faced a lot of not-impossible-but-certainly-difficult struggles in life, I’ve been blessed with a strong heart and mind. Sometimes society would have me shut them both down, and sometimes I’ve done just that to try to fit in or even survive, but I’m learning that God made me the way He did for a reason.
I do not think in words, so saying all this on my feet is hard, but I enjoy taking the time to express myself in writing. I notice and enjoy the beauty in the world around me, in others, in life and nature, in music and art and science and technology, in the sky and weather, and even in the trials and tribulations we all have to deal with. I’ve been blessed with a bit of a quirky sense of humor, too. I’m clever and observant, and I know that with a lot of help from the Lord, my friends and family, and the world around me, I’m going to be better than just fine. In my own little way, I hope to change the world… at least for someone… and maybe for you.